About 2 hours later I'd forgotten all about the call when the phone rang again. It was the same nurse - she'd forgotten to mention something to me: the ultrasound result showed that I have a Bicornuate Uterus. What's that? It means that my uterus is heart shaped - a normal uterus is shaped like an upside down triangle, however mine splits in two at the top. She also mentions that I have a septum at the top. No idea what that means either. The nurse explains that both are a birth defect, which could possibly cause a complication in my pregnancy, and I may not be able to have a midwife for my labour and birth, and may have to see an OB/GYN instead. I was disappointed, but took her advice to discuss the issue with my GP, and assumed everything would be fine from there. I will do what's best for the baby afterall, and if that means seeing an OB/GYN instead of having a waterbirth with a midwife, then so be it.
Since I still had some time to kill on this Thursday afternoon at work, I googled "Bicornuate Uterus" to get a little more informed on what I'm about to deal with. Google returned pages of results, and each result had a description starting with "Bicornuate Uterus" and it was in almost all descriptions followed immediately with "Miscarriage and Pre-Term Labour".The smile on my face faded, my heart started pounding, and I felt the tears welling in my eyes. I read page after page of statistics: 55-63% fetal survival rate, 15-20% chance of pre-term labour, babies of bicornuate moms 4 times more likely to be born with abnormalities, and the list went on. The cliff notes are that basically my uterus' deformity and the septum(division) may prevent me from carrying my baby to term, since my uterus is not capable of expanding enough to allow the baby to grow as it should. Once the baby outgrows its' space, my uterus will get over stretched, which triggers contractions and induces labour. In normal pregnancies this happens somewhere around 40 weeks. In my case it can happen as early as 20 weeks or even before that, at which point the baby will not be viable outside of the womb, so it would lead to either a miscarriage or a stillbirth. If the baby does survive longer than that, it could be born prematurely, or with birth abnormalities due to the small space the baby was forced to develop in.
My dreams of an uneventful pregnancy and natural waterbirth faded. They were replaced by statistics, fear, sadness, guilt, anxiety and a big dose of self pity. Why me? Why us? Haven't hubs and I dealt with enough obstacles throughout our lives? Can't just one thing go right for us, just this once? All we want is one healthy baby. Boy or girl, doesn't matter, just one. Please??? I'll be meeting with my GP and a midwife next week to see what our course of action will be. At this point I am debating foregoing the midwife in favour of modern medicine in case complications do arise. I know I'd feel more comfortable with a midwife, however I do worry that an experienced OB/GYN would be capable of closer and more accurate monitoring in this case. I'm very torn on this subject at the moment. Luckily I won't have to make a decision until next week, and not until I've spoken to my GP again, and she tells me just how severe my abnormality is, and what the best decision would be. In the meantime I'm trying to remain as optimistic as possible.
I spent half the night last night in shock and in tears over the news. Hubs came home with a bouquet of flowers, made supper, and then took me out for a drive and an Ice Cappuccino from Timmies. We talked, and cried, and talked some more.
I'm trying to take it one day at a time - each day that baby is growing, healthy and closer to the due date is a good day and a step forward. I'm trying to focus on the positive stories of women who delivered healthy babies despite a bicornuate uterus. I'm trying to focus on the positive side of the statistics - that more than half of babies survive, and lead healthy and happy lives. Our baby WILL be one of the fighters who'll make it!
To give a visual description of my deformity, here is a picture that I found on a very helpful Yahoo! support group (Thank you for the link Kelly!).
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